BILL MASHEEN
CULT-LEADER
AUDIO RELEASE
CULT-LEADER
AUDIO RELEASE
WARNING: Please DO NOT download the brand new single by evil cult-leader Gideon Pure as it is made from music which can bend your mind. The track "We're Gonna Spend The Night At Bill Masheen" (currently at No 1 in our FREE download chart) is suspected to contain inaudible hypnotic messages and is being used by Gideon Pure to recruit large numbers of gullible youths who are being held against their will in the illegaly occupied wheat fields around Bill Masheen. Mr Pure can not be captured by the FBI because his lawyer is very charming.
FREE Download from our music chart
E2h CELEBRATES 545,000 visitors since 2002
Entrances2hell threw a big party this week, complete with fire-eaters, exotic dancers, jugglers and contortionists. What have we got to be so happy about? Well, we're celebrating for two reasons: firstly, the good news that in the 5 years since we began our website in early 2002 we have been visited by over 545,000 people (with well over 2.6 million pages read). Second, but not least, Dr Rae Gates, our founder and Compiler-In-Chief, has happily reached his 77th birthday. Said Dr Gates, "I am deeply grateful to the many thousands of visitors to our website since 2002 and be assured I'll be tracking down and listing those sneaky little entrances to the best of my ability for as long as I can walk about and use a camera."
MORE FREE
ENTRANCE MUSIC
E2h seems to be finding a new role as an inspiration to musicians everywhere. In the footsteps of Ssssuuuuft, our highly popular entrance 23 is now the inspiration for a hot new track by The BassGirl, who tells us she just loves our website into itty bitty pieces and what's more has done so for some not inconsiderable period of time. The song in question 'They Call It 23' is a groovin' slice of drum-machine jazz which we are temporarily offering as a FREE download. Personnel include the fabulous Terry Edwards on trumpet. You modern-jive dancing entrance hunters out there are gonna flip your wigs and wipe your brains out with mad feelings. Get it while you can cause it's going places.
ENTRANCE MUSIC
Listen to a lo-fi excerpt from They Call It 23 (MP3 600kb)
FREE Download of full version from our music chart
WipetheNet.org seeks E2h erasure
Right-wingers WipetheNet.org stepped up their campaign against entrances2hell.co.uk this week when they called for our new T-shirts to be made illegal. The Bible-bashing collective, who want to see the entire Internet erased, claimed that our highly popular designs will "encourage teenagers and students away from their studies and into danger both spiritual and physical".
RAPPER DENIES VALIDITY OF E2h
Middle-aged, middle-class rapper Mr Irvine, who walks 1,000 miles every week, has just released an anti-Entrances2hell rant.
The astonishing lyrics of his cheeky ambient-rap 'Myth-Buster' claim that "Entrances2hell is a gentle spoof on the medium we call the Internet and it isn't real." In order to show that we don't mind the odd bit of negative criticism, and safe in the knowledge that our highly intelligent readers will see through the foul lies of this publicity seeking half-wit, we have decided to include his song as a FREE download from our music chart (currently at number 3).FREE music download chart
Mr Irvine's website
Crazed woman attacks E2h HQ
A middle-aged woman suffering from de Cleramboult's Syndrome was arrested after threatening to attack E2h headquarters. Police say that the former GP from Solihull attempted to drive her Giant Mini into the revolving doors of the entrances2hell building before handcuffing herself to a bronze sculpture in the E2h water garden. Speaking on local radio, the woman said, "Dr Gates loves me. His marriage is a sham. I will attack again." Dr Gates, Compiler-In-Chief of E2h, yesterday revealed, "This misguided and lonely creature has attempted to break into my home on several occasions during the last 15 years. I have nothing but sympathy for her but she desperately needs help."
de Cleramboult's Syndrome
Giant Mini
MORE PATERNITY SUIT DENIALS
Dr Rae Gates of entrances2hell.co.uk strongly denies the paternity claim of yet another Tokyo teenager following his recent lecture tour of Japan. "This is nothing more than a cynical attempt to extort money," he said. "I did not have sexual relations with this woman, my only contact with her was to autograph her Entrances2hell T-shirt during a post-lecture drinks event."
Dr Gates makes beautiful music
Our very own Compiler-In-Chief, Dr Rae Gates, makes his musical debut on a fabulous new track by ambient-techno duo ANDROID BEEFCAKE. The song, a haunting slice of drifting electro, is a salute to Ssssuuuuft, the group's local entrance to Hell in their home town of Henley-on-Thames. "We never dreamed that Dr Gates would actually agree to sing for us," reveals Julian D (above left with partner Julian E). "Not only was he really keen, he even translated the lyrics into Karatakak." The Android lads make a noise they describe as "good old House without the repetitive minimalism" and are planning a winter gig near Ssssuuuuft. Dr Gates said, "Although my Karatakak's a bit rusty, I'm proud to contribute to this beautiful track."
Listen to a lo-fi excerpt from Ssssuuuuft (MP3 420kb)
FREE Download of full version from our music chart
Dr Gates to circumnavigate
the Earth in new improved hovercraft
On Tuesday, Dr Gates of entrances2hell announced a fresh attempt to circle the Earth in what will be the world's largest ever hovercraft. The construction of the E2h VOYAGER 6 is expected to be completed in less than 2 years and may include safety improvements following the sad loss of VOYAGER 5. Dr Gates will fund the venture with a brand-new business partnership.
the Earth in new improved hovercraft
Dr Gates would like to thank his numerous female fans in Japan who have sent photos of themselves. We regret that we are not able to publish any of these as our Service Provider does not permit erotic content
NOW YOU CAN BUY
THE ENTRANCES2HELL
SAFETY POSTER
THE ENTRANCES2HELL
SAFETY POSTER
Make sure your colleagues are kept aware of the Entrances2hell Safety Rules by placing this bright yellow information poster in a prominent location. Starting at only 6 DOLLARS and available in 2 sizes from our CafePress shop.
...AND SAFETY INFO
T-SHIRTS
T-SHIRTS
We now have "Don't shout at the devil" Safety Info on a T-Shirt. Costing from 11 DOLLARS, they are available in 3 colours plus white from CafePress.